RAMBLINGS: At the hospital.

This evening, M and I visited his mum at the hospital. Her warm and stuffy room was packed with 6 beds, with 6 frail bodies. As I surveyed the room, I remarked to M carelessly that we needed to save a lot of money... So that when we got sick, we would be able to recuperate comfortably. And then, it hit me; how many of my actions have been largely driven by things that I don't want... Maybe even fear.

I started studying hard when I was 14; when I looked at the people close to me and I realized that I didn't ever want to be bogged down by financial problems. I started working on my fitness when I was 17; when I read articles about how obesity could lead to a whole slew of medical problems and I didn't ever want that. And now, I make my decisions as sensibly as I possibly can because I don't ever want to hurt my loved ones and myself.

I don't think that being motivated by unwanted things or fear is necessarily a bad thing but it's a little sad. I have always thought that the core of me would hold a rainbow of some sort.