UPDATES: Out of school!

Hey Muffins (: I haven't written an 'Updates' post since like forever but not-so-recently, a (huge) chapter of my life ended and I thought I just write a little about it. As gleaned from the title, I'm officially out of school (Well, kinda.)! Yay!!! :DDD University wasn't exactly smooth-sailing and I'm really glad to be out of it. But university gave me many things and one of them is this little space of mine on the net. This space has brought me so many friends (Massive hugs for Juliet and Fel!) and opportunities and I'm crazy thankful for it everyday. (:

Offline, university gave me M (Who tries so hard to make me happy everyday. (:), a better understanding of my family, a fab once-in-a-lifetime internship experience and of course, a-mazing friends. :D And yes, also a degree and a means of survival. Haha. If everything seems a little too condensed... It's meant to be. Haha. I tend to go on forever when it comes to such entries so I'm really restricting myself here. Heh. Just wanted to give thanks to everyone and everything that has happened in my life thus far. (:

Anyway, yes, back to the little blue box! When I got back from Taiwan, the siblings surprised me with a little blue box as my graduation gift! My heart sure was feeling really warm and fuzzy that night. (':

And this was the perfect gift! Ever since I watched 'Sex and the City', I have wanted my own 'Carrie' necklace. It seemed a little silly to get my own since it's supposed to represent 'love' and 'friendship' so yay! :D And I didn't even mention it to the sibs, making this a more-than-perfect gift! :DDD

I'll be opening a whole new chapter come March 25th. (: Wish me luck!

P.S.: I contributed my very first article on GlamAsia! Click here to read! :D

RAMBLINGS: It's almost the end of school!

I have been working on blog entries everyday because in less than a month's time, I will be taking the very last examinations of my academic career! It thrills me to the bone just thinking that I won't have to deal with frantic last-minute cramming, brainless memory work and Arctic-cold examination halls. And I also won't be dealing with higher Math anymore because, while I really loved Math before the age of 19 and it came so easily to me, higher Math is just beyond me.

I could have morphed into a lazy sloth or just succumbed to resignation after realizing that university Math examinations can't be studied (It really is a game of luck. You either have it or you don't. And diligence does not equal to good grades.) but whatever. This chapter of my life is about to close and I can't wait to open/ write new ones.
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I had a really lovely time hanging out with Juliet after an event. I met her about a year and a half ago at a Vichy event. After connecting with her on Facebook and attending more events together, she's one really close bud now! I'm so happy and glad that she's in my life and that we are both in good places now, with really stellar leading men in our lives. :DDD

Really can't wait for school to be out so that we can have double dates! And I will get you hooked onto 'Friends', I swear!
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And oh yes, sometime last week, Fel sent me a link to Dr. Richard Tan's testimony (Read it here.). I have been wanting to attend Church for the longest time but I was just being a lazy bum, sitting around and waiting for a sign. And as I read the testimony (Really quickly because I was about to cry.), I knew this was the sign I had been waiting for (Thank you so much for sending me that link, Fel!). So last Sunday, Fel, M (Yes, M too!) and I headed to Church.

It started out quite 'disastrous' actually. All of us reached the station around 11.20am but the bus took FOREVER to come. And sheesh, Singapore is just too darn hot for anyone and anything to walk without a shelter. Subsequently, we realized that the shortcut to the Church was closed and so we had to go the long way under the hot blazing sun. But things were alright once we reached the House of God. And though I felt like a stranger initially, I settled in pretty quickly and comfortably. I thought it might be a little too hypocritical to raise my hands during worship after such a long hiatus but it just felt so right at that point of time and I did it without realizing.
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Today, I realized that M has been agreeing to all my spontaneous outings of movie marathons and feasting sessions even though he really needed the time to work on his FYP. It really didn't occur to me at all. I mean, I just thought that if he didn't have the time, he would tell me and we could both stay at home and do all those stuff later. But nope, he pandered to all my whims and fancies and then, worked on his FYP till like 5 in the morning.

And despite going to bed only at 5am, he woke up in time to travel all the way from one end of Singapore to the other, just so that he could attend Church with me. I'm really touched. Thanks, my dear chili (Inside joke!). (: While I really would like him to attend Church with me, the location of my current Church really isn't ideal for him. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I'll sleep on it. Things will certainly work out, somehow.

And you have no idea how relieved I was when M told me that even though he's certain that he won't be a Christian, he doesn't mind attending Church with me. And he really likes the worship songs!

I'm no staunch Christian myself, but these are baby steps for us. And maybe I'll never be staunch and M will never be a Christian, but I want us both to sit in sermons every Sunday and just listen. God will work in His mysterious ways.
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This entry has been pretty choppy. I'm feeling a tad light-headed from writing too much. But on the way back today, I just felt really thankful for everything that I have in my life right now, save for the stupid sore throat! And even though, I may have jinxed it by 'saying this out loud', I don't care. This is how thankful I feel today and someday, I want to 'live through' this thankfulness again by reading this entry and be thankful all over again. (:

RAMBLINGS: The S-scary Future

Consecutive online lectures induce permanent brain damage for your current and next 9 lives. So kids, attend school.
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I have ten million thoughts running through my head right now (No. Just like only 2.) but have got only ten minutes to punch them all into my poor keyboard (Mum's, actually.). I'll be taking a big human step tomorrow when I imprint my signature on those dotted lines. Fingers crossed that this is the right decision.

Actually, I know this IS the right decision. But hmm... I didn't exactly picture post-school like that. It was more of bumming around and doing more random part-time jobs. Like scheduling, serving coffee, hanging out in museums (Yeah right.), being someone's PA and drowning in dramas and sitcoms. What I feel versus what I think is sensible... Mmhmmm.

Funny how a 14-year-old me thought that I would be raking in £40,000 monthly, all decked out in Jigsaw suits, squabbling with annoying American men who thought they knew everything (I can't even fake the British accent.) and having a roommate who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and did crossword puzzles all day long (Sophie Kinsella, this is YOUR doing. My child will NEVER read your books.).

But oh wells. Life never ever turns out what you had pictured it to be. I just hope that I won't be sucked into my job (Everyone's telling me how horrid my job will be and asking me if I'm really certain. BUT they say the same thing for every other job that I bring up. So...) and forget to appreciate the little things in life.
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Anyway, I thought I jot down what I want to achieve during the one year I have a job before I go make a whole different checklist.

1. A certificate in makeup and hair-styling.
2. A basic cert in French/ Japanese or both.
3. Take regular yoga lessons.
4. Master the DSLR.
5. Do more watercolour paintings. 
6. Buy Vintage Barbie.
7. Be regular in the taking of my supplements.
8. Clearing out 1/2 of my vanity closet.

I'm not being ambitious here, am I?

RAMBLINGS: The long way home.

I was feeling quite terrible today, after my Time Series paper... Actually, I have been feeling terrible for a while now. To be really melodramatic, my doings have made me a toy for the gods to tease and mock. Hahaha. What a funny description (It's amazing how I can still find things to laugh about when things aren't going my way. *shakes head*). But anyway, this year had little ups, which were then completely nullified by the gazillion downs that came after them.

After accompanying Shi Hui to her tuition kid's place, I picked up a Swiss burger and a cup of Oolong tea and they took me home.
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I love long walks and being alone with my thoughts. As learned in my Communications class, intrapersonal talk allows for self-reflection. The past few weeks, despite one of them being Recess, I had scarcely a moment to myself. I'm guessing that I can't function my best when I'm with somebody because I am lulled into the sense of his security. Sadly, his security is an obstruction to my independence.

I'm still trying to figure things out.
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In the books department, I completed 'The Chronicles of Narnia'! HURRAY!!! I can't wait to catch the films and be transported to the land of happy endings! I absolutely abhor sad endings! I mean, there is so much sadness going on in the world already. Why would I want to go from a miserable world to one that's even more miserable. I say, so NOT the point of fiction.

Anyway, I started on Coco Chanel's story and despite the lies that she wove, it has been most inspiring. She strove hard for what she wanted. The magnitude of her drive is most admirable.
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Blogging day for me tomorrow. Oh yes. Do I sound completely schizophrenic, what with my beauty and ramblings entries coming one after the other? I mentioned this before... I'm a complete Miss Sunshine when it comes to beauty stuff but aye, it rains a little when it comes to my personal life.

Ah well, I usually direct people to Sunbathing Muffins. Head on there for some happiness please! :DDD

RAMBLINGS: Pitter-patter.

A few nights ago, I had a dream of tsunami waves and guess what? Haha. I can actually google that! How amazing is Google?!? But anyway, since other people dream of tsunami waves too, it makes me think that somehow we are all connected internally... It's more than being wired the same way. Anyway, it's my 3rd tsunami-waves dream. I never drowned in any but it was incredibly breath-taking looking at the waves come at you at such height and ferocity and yet, still stay safe.

When I was a kid, I dreamt of Chinese vampires and fairies.

(Read more about tsunami-waves dreams here and dreams there. I wouldn't read too much into it though. But aye, it's interesting!)
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I have been reading up on communications for my upcoming test on Tuesday. And though, it's very insightful, it makes things a little predictable. It's just like my film class... Every genre has a formula. It isn't that I wasn't aware of it before. I was. But now, I'm completely aware of it. And because I like to link things here and there (Which is a very useful skill in secondary school and junior college. And rendered completely useless in university, because you are thinking too much.), films just aren't the same anymore.

And now, I can sort of analyze communication... I guess I will understand myself better but hmm, such comprehension may lead to some very false justifications. Like 'Oh. It's alright that I'm responding in this way now because I'm just reacting to what the other person did.'. But hmm, since it makes me more aware of the happenings, I may very well be in better control of my thoughts and actions.
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Oh yes. The sky is frightfully dark now, which I actually like. The weather's all nice and cooling. I rather wet than warm. Though I prefer sunshine to gloom. Oh! It will be wonderful if it rained when there was sun and go all hot and humid when it was gloomy! Hahaha!

Before I leave, here's a cheery song to chase away the Monday gloom!

RAMBLINGS: Being an adult.

Instead of berating the school for their ___(insert colourful adjectives)___ system... Well, this whole silly thing happened because I was too eager and too careless and didn't think things through properly.

Tsk, Charlene. I judge you.

But nevertheless, this has been a good adult training.
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And now, let me go into my hidey-hole and attempt to salvage my shipwreck of a module.

RAMBLINGS: The Chronicles of Narnia

I'm onto the last book of 'The Chronicles of Narnia', with not much studying done. I really have no idea how I could have ever disliked the series and actually liked the lightning-scarred boy more! I do remember thinking that it was really strange that a lion could sing and how silly it was that God could be represented by a talking lion (Okay, I don't know the exact Christian links here and I'm not discussing religion to anyone.).

But anyway, I half wanted to burst into tears watching the trailer. I mean, the book... IN FILM!!! Oh gawd. It's almost too much for me to take. I'll probably be tearing the minute the movie begins. I know, a perfect fan girl. BUT I'm not rushing out to get everything that is Narnian. And I do think I will find very few Narnian toys anyway.

I know it's a kids' book and I'm like... Oh bother (Haha. I find the expression funny. And there's 'It's all rot!'. Hahaha. Tickles me.)! 2 years into adulthood but oh wells. I discovered my childhood a little late and it's alright. Better late than never, they say.

And it's back to the books for me. I have deleted every single social media platform off my mobile and pledge to be void of any until my midterms are over. They take up A LOT of my time.

RAMBLINGS: Books, skin and the sister.

I am thinking of making a routine out of books. Perhaps, it will ease the anxiety in me that pops up every minute, over the most trifling issues. Fretting over things that I can't control is wrecking havoc to my skin. You have no idea how much I treasure my skin.

I remembered when I was 14 and already a massive vainpot, I told Mum that should God ever want to test me, He would do so by tampering my skin. A couple of weeks later, I fell off a bicycle and got dragged on the road. I scrapped my left knee and the right side of my face. The skin at my right jaw is rough, slightly pinkish and itches on odd days. And I was only a passenger on the bicycle.

And when puberty hit me in full swing, my face exploded into a zit fest.

Self-fulfilling prophecy, aye?

Oh yes, back to the books. I think it will make me a little calmer but no way am I going back to chicklit now that I have found my leading man. Cheesy, I am perfectly aware of. But completely forgiven for I am in... Dare I say it?!? HAHA. In love!!! WHEE!!! :DDD
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Tonight's a little sad. The sister left for her 5-month long adventure.

Mum sobbed on the way home and the brother went to bed early.

The house is going to be very much quieter, without the random screams of yoke (Or however it is spelt.), declarations of wanting to be a real-life scarecrow and swearing off sinful food.

I think she will be the most awesome Asian to set foot on Kangaroo Land. :DDD

RAMBLINGS: Heart, be still.

I typed a whole chunk of paragraph, only to delete it... Just because.

I need to learn how to keep my heart still. As much as I like things to be snip, snap, done, I need the discipline to resist acting impulsively. My impulsiveness brought about unnecessary trouble and superfluous emotions because now, I'm a mixture of embarrassment, anxiety, worry and regret.
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C got her matters settled so quickly because she met Ms. Lee. But that bespectacled lady didn't let me see Ms. Lee and I was kept hanging and I wanted to be responsible and GAHHH!!! I wish I had consulted the boy before doing anything. It is so good that we are the perfect opposites. And even though some friends are anxious for my sake with good intentions, I should not let myself be swayed by them just because I think they are smarter.

And I cannot let the fear of regret get to me through impulsiveness.

RAMBLINGS: Communications

This semester, I'm taking an elective called 'The Fundamentals of Communication'. I have read through 3 chapters and I'm certain that it wasn't by chance that I got this elective.

I don't get mad often but when I do, my fury takes the form of massive fireballs. Though they disintegrate within an hour or so, the damage and hurt that they can do is elephantine. Sometimes, I can contain the anger and sleep it off. But it isn't usually the case. I lash out hard and deep and when the words are said and can't be taken back, I realize that issues that made me hopping mad are really trifling matters.

There are some stuff which I find difficult to swallow but if it makes things sing in harmony and I can let them slide with a squirming butt and an annoying tug at my heart, I think I should. I hope it won't turn me into a bitter and resentful old hag though. :\
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Anyway... Mmhmm... I decided to give the L word another shot. Heh heh. I know it's all very confusing. On and off, on again, then off off blah di dum. But it comes with a complicated history and because of that, I'm very wary.

But but anyway, I'm incredibly glad that he's so incredibly understanding and accommodating and unbelievably nice to me. There are so many instances when I ask him "Are you sure?!? Are you really sure about this?!?" and he will be like "YES! YOU ARE THE ONE!". And though it sounds so innocent (And dare I say a little n____?), it makes my heart really warm that someone, he, would want me.

Hmmm... Guess I let on my vulnerability. Oh wells. For now, I shall bask in the 'power' of the L word. HAHAHA!!!

RAMBLINGS: Interview woes.

'There is no right or wrong decision, because at the time when you made the decision, you'd thought it was right.'
- Yuanshi

Got the above quote from Ariel's blog. I'm hoping that it will bring some sort of a comfort to my poor soul because I didn't think carefully before I answered one particular question yesterday. But sigh. 16 hours on and I'm still beating myself up over it. I feel like I have let down Starbucks, the incredibly nice lady at the 'parent' company (Because in a way, I'm representing her. *buries self in embarrassment*) and myself.

Note to self: Think before speaking. Have a still heart. Do not worry that you are boring the other person (The ONE thing that's always on my mind whenever I'm talking to anyone. Sigh).

But oh wells. It was a good experience. After all, that was my first time being interviewed by such a huge company.

Alrighty. *thumbs up and spastic smile* :DDD Have a nice day! It's FRIDAY! Wohoo!!! :DDD

RAMBLINGS: Buds with a Capital B!!! :DDD

I wanted to do this at the end of university, but my last semester with Hong Guan just ended and since Harry did his 'thank you' message, I decided to do mine now. And the sky's overcast at the moment. Perfect contemplative mood! (:
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University started out very lonely for me because I knew no one in the Math cohort, having not attended a single camp (Please go attend one. No matter how anti-social you are. No matter how much you hate games.). My initial plan for university was to melt into the background, to be independent and to do everything alone. But please don't believe what the ___(insert swear word)___ junior college teachers say about how university is a breeze. I TELL YOU, IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T! To me, university is more of an emotional journey than anything else. You start to question everything about yourself. Or at least, for me, it was.

But thank goodness that through JH, I got to know Syafiqah a.k.a my lecture buddy, my fellow Tweeter and most importantly, my fellow beauty junkie. I remembered how we sat at the back for the first Calculus lecture and then, migrated all the way to the front, how you went with me to hound professors, especially 'French Tutor', to teach us inhumane Math, how we started planning our timetables around the crashing of other tutorials, how we got ticked off by a very PMS Andrew Kricker, how we always try to scribble everything that the professors say and then, compare notes with each other to see what we have missed out, how you lend me your notes when I started skipping classes compulsively... The list goes on, dearie. I want to thank you so much for everything! I definitely would have died without you in the first semester. I'm incredibly glad that you have found Raffie because I think he's perfect for you. Love you much, dearie. Keep being obsessed with makeup! :DDD

Second semester came, and I made a couple more friends but it was Eli, who's from SMU, whom I hung out with the most. From soccer mates to friends-even-when-we-are-dead, you are always going to be one of the VIPs in my life. Our friendship goes beyond words. Thank you for being my emotional pillar that semester, not just for school, but for all aspects of my life. Actually, thank you for that, from the time we met in junior college till this very minute. Thank you for never judging me and for being one of the best-est friends in my life. You are what I said you you were 4 years ago, God-given. I love you very, very, very much. (: We got a little sidetrack with our lives after that, but we will make up for it this hol. And I know I have quite a bit of updating to do. Heh. *guilty grin*

I got to know Lilin in semester three and it's the BEST thing that ever happened to me in university. I got to my tutorial pretty early one afternoon and in the classroom were Lilin, Harry and Gerald having lunch. I still remember Harry describing the different cliques in our Math cohort and I was so incredibly amused! But back to Lilin first... Thank you Lilin, for being the MOST AWESOME BFF in university. EVER. Thank you for being there for me 24/7, for being the most selfless friend, for helping me with my work, for all the SMS and Whatsapp sessions (Alan too!), for our eating sessions at Singpost, for always being so concerned about me, for the gossip sessions, for making train rides so much less mundane and like a million times quicker... For everything, love! I LOVE YOU TONS and we are so gonna be friends when we are old and wrinkly and we will still be gossiping and laughing like nuts! I still think it's damn cool that Vincent thought we were long-time buds! Tee hee! LOVE YOU^(infinity)!!!

And I think it was towards the end of the semester that I got to know Alan, a.k.a Pebble!!! Haha. Thank you for listening to me whine on and on about practically nothing, for entertaining me when I'm bored and being completely nonsensical, for listening to me go gaga over a certain somebody (HAHAHA!!!), for letting me go on spamming sprees on your Facebook wall, for trying to cheer me up when I'm sad (And failing miserably. :P), for telling me to 'go die' because it cracks me up, for helping me save money (Textbooks!), for being one of the nicest guys EVER! :DDD 小石头, you rock!!! Hahahahahaha! *thumbs up and spastic smile*

Semester 4 was... Quite a semester. I got to know Ching Liang, Vincent and Harry, a.k.a Chin Chin more. Laughter makes everything okay, so thank you guys for providing me buckets of it! I'm always so amused when Ching Liang laughs, like really laughs. I still remember the time when you couldn't stop laughing about something. Haha. It was really cute! Ching Liang and Vincent, thank you for being very magnanimous to me, despite the incident, for helping me with my work, for all the research that you guys did, for all the files sent... Very, very awesome people. (: And to dear Harry, hahahaha. Thank you for letting me spam your wall! Hehe! Thank you for your encouragement on Twitter (Tweet more please.) and thank you for the little pep talk you gave me. You don't know how much I appreciated it, though I was a little scared initially when you told me you wanted to talk to me. Heh. I was like 'Crap. What did I do wrong?!?'. Haha. Thank you, Chin Chin! You are damn cool and all the best for you-know-what! :DDD

And this semester, which just concluded yesterday at 11am (HOLAAA!!!)... This semester has been the most unexpected, surprising, seemingly the longest and quite possibly the best and worst semester. I decided to go crazy and 'piled on' the AUs, quotation marks on 'piled on' because I know there are tons out there whose intensity of 'craziness' is a million levels higher than mine. I'm still wondering why I thought taking 6 modules this semester just so that I can take 3 the next was a good idea. BIG SIGH. I'm really hoping that it doesn't cost me my GPA. Okay, I know it's gonna drop but Bell Curve god, not too much, pretty please with tons of sugar and a crate of cherries on top!!! *pleads with Anime eyes*

Anyway, this semester, I got to know Lance and Hong Guan a lot better despite meeting them much earlier on. Lance, thank you so much for stressing me out in my dreams. Haha. Kidding! Thank you so much for helping me with all my mods, teaching me how to remember formulae and making Math seem so much more human!!! Haha! Thank you for calming my frantic nerves before papers and for HMMM... Helping me out with my personal life (HAHA.). Thank you for making me laugh a lot with your "So crazy right?!?", "HUH! HOW TO DO?!? ORHHHHHHHH. EASY LA!" Thank you for arranging the little steamboat dinner at the end of the semester too! :DDD That was a fun night of Uno Jenga, or whatever it is called, with Shi Hui and Mingyang! :DDD

To Hong Guan, GAHHH! My last semester with you just ended! How quick is that?!? Thank you SO FRIGGIN' MUCH for helping me with Stochastic Processes. During Recess, you helped me even though it was like 1am! You were so patient with me and you explained till I understood. Thank you sooo much! I'm really glad for this semester because I also got to know the REAL you. HAHAHA. We met on the train, through Lilin, and I remembered thinking 'Oh! This guy is so humble and nice!'. BUT no ehhhhhhhhhh. Nice, definitely. Humble... UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. :\ Hahahahahahahaha. But it's good. Hahaha. It's very funny. Haha. I really do hope that you and dear Chin Chin will remain friends till the end, like Lilin and me! :DDD Anyway, do have fun and take care in the States (It's a little early now, but I'll just say it anyway!)!!! :DDD

Through Lance, I got to know Shi Hui and Mingyang. Shi Hui, you don't know how awesome it is to me to know someone who alights at the same train station as me (What a sentence!)! I have ALWAYS wanted a friend like that!!! Thank you for the train rides back, for the really random conversations which jumped from cheese to French movies to how long we take to eat dinner and take our baths. HAHAHA. Really random but incredibly cool! :DDD And I'm always telling Mingyang how cute you are! You will say something and then, laugh at it! Haha. Work hard at Japanese!!! :DDD

To Mingyang, HAHA! Hi 绵羊 (绵阳 is actually a city in Sichuan, China. Coolies!)!!! *waves frantically* I think it's awesome how we became instant buds after Survival Analysis' assignment. We always have so much to talk about even though there isn't really much and 'you eat rice while I eat potatoes'. Thank you for helping me so much with my work, for the group projects and for all the last-minute calls for the finals! You and Lance are really, incredibly brilliant! Way too awesome! Haha. As I have mentioned only like ten thousand times, you two really need your own bell curves. Haha! Anyway, thank you for being one of the most awesome people in my life too! Buds till we die!!! :DDD And oh yes, thanks for the imaginary duck too! HAHA! Whatever, seriously. I'm very certain that you are not clean after your bath! (Lilin, we haven't spammed his wall yet!!!)

And through all of this, THANK YOU LENNARD GOH CHI YANG!!! Even though sometimes you 'piss' me off till I want to hurl things at you, you are always going to be one of the greater loves in my life. :DDD Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............... I love you and you love me (In a brotherly/ sisterly manner, for the prying eyes.) and we rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks for everything, all the way from when we were 18 (How much we have grown. *cue: Melodramatic song*). You're the best (Though of course, someone's best-er than you now, because of status. Heh.)!!! I can't wait for you to get your ass back to SG and hopefully, I can get my ass to the States after graduation. Never-ending flow of love from me to you! (Eh Skype date on Saturday night, don't forget! And yes, I know I'll be the one forgetting. HAHA.)
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Alrighty. This has been one heck of a long post but it's full of undying love! To all the aforementioned people, THANK YOU FOR MAKING UNIVERSITY AWESOME FOR ME!!! I don't know what I would have done without each and everyone of you. :DDD Gosh! I sound like university has ended for me. HAHAHA. One more semester, Char!!!

Haha. I'm going to attempt to eradicate some exam-collected fats now.

Or maybe not.

RAMBLINGS: School blahs.

Tomorrow's the final examination for Stochastic Processes (Gawd. I felt like I haven't written anything in a long time. Save for my 140-character tweets.). I have been dreading it since... Forever.

But no matter how much I dread it, the paper's still going to come. I know it's such a 'duh' statement but there's some sort of... Hmm, for the lack of a better word and using one that is completely incongruous, 'beauty' in it and I like to think about it... Even though, there's really nothing to be thought about.

Hmm... Maybe this is procrastination in disguise.
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Anyway, I can't wait for this semester to be over. Math is hell. If you're thinking of studying Math, please don't. I implore you. Unless you're a masochist. It's the worst hell I have ever put myself through; it's worse than being dragged on the road, it's worse than putting this crazily painful Chinese Herbal Oil on raw wounds, it's worse than Economics, it's worse than Accounting, it's worse... Than quite possibly everything. I hate it.

Those people who can do Math (University level.), I salute you.

OVER AND OVER.

RAMBLINGS: Numbers and the boy.

I have 4 more papers to the end of my 2nd last semester in university! Though the studying has dwindled drastically and stress is making its mark on my left cheek, the happiness index is way up! Last night, the boy told me about my awesome timetable for the next semester; it's going to be a two-day school week for me! *self-combusts in happiness* Swear everything was dressed in pink after that. Including the Awfully Chocolate Banana cake that Mum had just bought and has only one slice left to its demise.
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Everything happens for a reason. But as much as I hate Math (Okay, I love it. Sometimes.), I knew there had to be a reason why 19-year old me would wake up one morning and decide that studying Math was the world's most fabulous idea. I found my answer this semester, in the form of a China boy.

HAHAHA. He's going to flip when he reads that sentence. He isn't from China, though his speech, looks and brain seem to suggest otherwise. HAHAHA. He's like the complete opposite of me. And hmmm... Pretty close to what I want in my man. Haha. I extremely like the fact that he's particular. Particular guys are good. Anyway, from instant friends, to buds and then, to someone who's so much closer... It has been pretty amazing. (:

He has his own label now (In the blog.) and this December's going to be filled with outings with him so *thumbs up and spastic smile*. :DDD

This semester has been really unexpected. Good unexpected. (:
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I wanted to blog about something else but I can't quite remember what it is now. Oh wells. Back to the books!

Oh!!! I have been blogshopping A LOT! Love, Bonito, Pearlavish, The Velvet Dolls... I placed an order with Michelle for F21, gonna be receiving some falsies too! Haha! It's gonna be an awesome December, with a capital A!!!

And oh yes! I need to catch up on 'The Lying Game', 'The Vampire Diaries' (This season has been really good!), 'The Office', 'Community', 'Modern Family'... OOOOOOOOOH!!! Of course, outings with the boy and friends... GAHHH!!! December 1st, come already!!!

RAMBLINGS: Adverseness.

I'm so adverse to relationships that anything trivial can cause me to pull the plug. No, it's more like 'rip out the plug'.

Serves me right if I end up alone with a house full of cacti (Just because I don't feel anything towards animals, so I won't be the sad old lady in a house full of cats. I'll be the sad old lady in a house full of cacti. Yay me.).
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Jeezus. Exams need to come and go now. ):

RAMBLINGS: The death sentence.

In NTU, each student is given a certain number of academic units (AUs) which can be chosen to be ungraded. This means that we take the module but all we have to do to clear it is to get a passing grade. And this is called SU option. Sounds awesome, aye?

But here's the catch. We have to SU the modules before we sit for the finals and get the grades (In NUS, you get to SU modules after you get the grades.). This often leads to me going into a complete frenzy, AFTER I have done my SUs.

It's like the 'calm before the storm' before the deadline for SUs is up. I will decide on the module to SU, SU it and then, not think about it. And when the deadline has well passed... I go 'Oh darn it. I think I shouldn't have SU-ed it. That module can actually give my GPA a nudge forward... Or maybe not. No, it can. OH DANG! Should I take MC for the paper?!? No, it's okay. Char, chill! SU is good.'. And when I decide not to SU anything, I will be like '@#@($#($!~! I should have SU-ed the bloody thing! No, it's okay. I'm going to study for it anyway. But noooooooooooo... I'm so going to fail! It's going to hurt my GPA!!!'. Say hello to a true blue Singaporean, steeped in kiasu-ness.

Unfortunately, in the situation that I suddenly decide that I can actually get an A for the module and save myself from a cruel death from my core modules (Math, please. Just die and give the world a break.), once the SU option is exercised, it's exercised for life. This means that even if I were to MC the paper or fail the paper and retake it again, it's SU-ed.

It's like a death sentence.

BIG SIGH. This is just me comforting myself for SU-ing my Japanese module. I actually think it can save the bleeding life out of me. You have no idea how insane my core modules are.
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Whilst choking myself to death with Linear Regression a moment ago, I realized just how close the end of my Math journey is. And it's a little scary that after 1342324054354935 AUs of Math modules that are 'beyond the normal human's comprehension', I am not, in the least bit, Math-y at all. I have friends who have Math in their blood. They speak Math. They think Math. They even look like Math.

But I'm just like "OHHH! Makeup!" or "OHHH! Vampires!!!" and these are often followed by lots of squealing and fangirl moments.
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I worry for my future.

RAMBLINGS: A masquerade of sorts.

Tons of things have been happening lately that I'm finding it difficult to breathe. But as each item gets marked off my laundry list of ten million things, my lungs find a little more oxygen. But what I really want to do right this minute is to drown myself in movies. Lots and lots of them. Alone.
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The more I think about it, the more I am certain it's 'just friends'. I marvel at my inability to 'love' like I did when I was 17. I have always thought that one should fall passionately in love, with the key word being 'passionately'. But lately, I have been wondering that perhaps, as we mature, we can't fall 'passionately in love' because it doesn't exist at all. We just find someone whom we are comfortable with, there are no walls in-between and you think 'Hey. I think I can live the rest of my life with this person.'.

No. It should be 'I want.' and not 'I can.'. I guess I'm nowhere near that stage.

Haha. Perhaps I have watched way too many dramas that my definition of 'love' has been warped till it's no longer human. Haha. Aye, it's a possibility!

I just prefer being friends, really. But know that I'm grateful, thankful and feel really blessed.
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Emo-ness aside, HOLA!!! It's just one more month till the finals and then, TADAHHH! It's the hols! And this time round, I get to enjoy Christmas, from the build-up to the end. I feel like Christmas didn't happen last year because my examinations ended less than a week before Christmas. Sheesh. Christmas includes the build-up! It would be totally awesome if there were snow and fireplaces and hot cocoa with marshmallows but this is Singapore (Though, really. I think it's China.), so I will make do with my toffee nut and peppermint Starbucks drinks, ICED! Tee hee!!! I really can't wait!

I want to take little Nigel out. Show him that there's more to the world than silly games (I do NOT believe in games. You are locked up in that little virtual world and that's it. They are so incredibly stupid to me.). I think he will be bored stiff though. Haha.

And there are awesome friends to hang out with. I want to cook ONE meal, just ONE! And not burn the kitchen down. I still have my uncooked pasta and pasta sauce from the summer hols. I want to learn how to make tiramisu cakes, play with more makeup, learn more about the brands (Their histories, philosophies...), I want to visit the Supreme Court (I couldn't enter it the last time because I was in shorts.), I want to visit museums, I want to walk down Clark Quay in the late evening and feel the cold air and just think about nothing...

GAHHH! I'm drooling already! HOLIDAYS, come already!!!
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OH YES! Another thing. My fairy godmother must have flicked her wand because I did not fail the two midterms which I thought I did!!! *jumps up and down*

The lecturer marked real leniently for Stochastic Process and I do mean 'real leniently'. As for Linear Regression, beta was supposed to be negative! Though technically, it should be positive. I think the lecturer set the question wrongly.

It doesn't make sense at all but TEE HEE!!!

RAMBLINGS: Higher Math is beyond me.

I'm waving the white flag where my stupid degree is concerned. Stochastic Processes, I do NOT get you. Linear Regression, you're just a bunch of meaningless symbols to me. Friends like to bring up my past laurels and go on and on about them. Well, hello there. I failed said modules.

I didn't even fail Linear Algebra. Gawd.
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Either my brain is regressing or Math hates me. But gawd. When you have answers like "Oh. It's based on intuition.", "Ummm... It's logic!" and "Aiyah! It's just like that." to your why's... I just want to throw myself out of the window.

What on earth is 'intuition'?!?

And the fact that my friends get the concepts so easily... Oh gawd. I AM regressing.
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But until I leave the darn school, I will not give up.

One more thing... It's amazing how cheating is perfectly acceptable in university. It's even more amazing that at such a grand old age, you guys are cheating. And it's most amazing that you guys are letting OTHERS know that you cheat.

RAMBLINGS: R-E-C-E-S-S!

Recess began on Friday, at 4.30pm. Though, really, my brain shut off the moment I woke up.
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I'm brain dead at the moment, having dealt with Markov chains in the afternoon, but 'tis a good day today. (:

RAMBLINGS: School rocks in really strange ways.

I don't mind being alone. But I don't want to be alone AND be thinking/ missing someone, who's __________.

History must not repeat itself.

How did I ever get myself in such a situation again?!? *smacks head* Prudence, Char. PRUDENCE.

Things would be so much simpler if we were just primary school kids. BIG SIGH.
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With that said, gahhhhhhhh!!! I'm so laden with work that I'm positive my hair's gonna all drop out by the end of the semester. Yet, at the same time, I'm happy about it because it leaves me absolutely no time to entertain stupid thoughts.

School. Awesome much, aye? :D